Is Stress Stealing Your Serenity?
It’s common to hear people talk about being “stressed out,” but have you ever really thought about what the word really means?
According the World Health Organization, stress is the body's reaction to any demand or threat, real or imagined. It can affect our physical and mental health, as well as our work and relationships.
Most people try to manage their stress. But I believe a more effective strategy is to transform it. What’s the difference?
My husband always tells me that if you pull a weed without getting the root, it will just grow back stronger. I believe the same is true for stress.
Managing stress is when we treat the symptoms. And that is important and helpful. Yet, if you want to create change that is deeper and more lasting, it’s important to get to the root of the stress. That’s where the potential for transformation lies.
Let’s look at a few real-life examples to explore this further.
Stress can show up in the way that we manage our daily life. For example, maybe you’re a perfectionist who continually does a project over and over again until you get it just right. While there is some satisfaction in being able to have a job that's well done, if you are continually striving for perfection, it's likely that you might be neglecting other areas in your life that are important to you, like having fun and spending time with family
Another way that stress can show up is in burnout. Let’s say you tell yourself that you are going to complete a task and you don't realize how long it is going to take. You end up spending your entire day working on this project. And then at the end of the day you're exhausted. Imagine that this goes on for years. And then you get to the point where you don’t even remember how to set realistic expectations for yourself. You may become so accustomed to this way of operating without realizing you are pushing yourself way too hard. And there's a voice inside of you that says, “You have to get this job done, no matter what.”
When you can pinpoint the thought or voice that manages time poorly or won’t accept anything less than perfect, you’re getting to the root of your stress.
The voice is tied to thoughts and beliefs that drive your behavior. According to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, thoughts and beliefs are generated by different Parts of us. With IFS you work with that part to understand why it feels that it has to do something perfectly or work until the job is finished.
The key to transforming these stress-causing behaviors is to learn how to tap into Serenity. In IFS, the term “Self” is used to describe who we are, at our core. I’ve started using the word Serenity to describe the essence of the state we try to achieve in order to transform counterproductive behaviors.
The dictionary defines Serenity as the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled. The better we get at accessing Serenity, the more likely it is that we will be able to let go of stress-producing behaviors.
Learning how to recognize habits, thoughts and behaviors that drive stress is an important first step. I’ve created a quick quiz you can take to see if Stress is Stealing YOUR Serenity. You can access it here.