Holding on to Hope during the holidays

Love, connection, peace, rest, joy.

These are a few of the responses I got when I asked: Other than money, what do you need most during the holidays?

The one word that wasn’t mentioned, and which I think is crucial is “hope.” Hope is the thread that ties together all of the other things that we want and need most during the holidays, because no matter what you wish for or need, there is also the hope that it will manifest.

The dictionary defines hope as an “optimistic state of mind.” This mindset is based on the expectation of positive outcomes in your life or in the world. Yes, we long for more love, connection, and peace in the world. But all too often, underlying what we say we want is the fear that it won’t happen or that we can’t have it.

One of the keys to holding on to hope during the holidays is to focus on what hope means as a verb instead of a noun. A verb is a word that expresses an action. So when you move into the action state of hoping, you expect with confidence that what you want will happen. You cherish with anticipation whatever it is that you are hoping for.

For example, let’s say you have a poor relationship with your father, and what you need most during the holidays is for that connection to be repaired or restored.

If your relationship with a loved one has been damaged, it's natural for fear to show up around this. We’ve been conditioned by the news media to focus on the negative. And while it's not healthy or helpful to deny what’s wrong and what’s not working, you don’t need to dwell on that.

Feelings of fear are often tied to worry that things won’t change. So, if you notice that fear has shown up for you, begin by switching your focus to what you want instead.

You’ve probably seen this acronym for hope:

Hang
On to
Positive
Expectations

In the example of the poor relationship with your loved one, pay attention to the story you are telling yourself about the situation. If you hear a thought like, “They will never change,” your thinking is being driven by fear.

Instead of focusing on your fear, visualize the outcome you desire. It may not feel realistic to imagine the two of you hugging, so start with something that symbolizes a step in the right direction. Perhaps picture the two of you having a civil conversation.

Next, identify specific action steps you can take to make it more possible for the situation to improve.
Maybe you write a letter to your loved one, even if you don’t send it. What’s a small piece of hope you can focus on related to this situation?

Of course, we know that there are some situations that simply can’t be resolved. So if this is true in the example of the damaged relationship with your loved one, perhaps the best step is shifting your focus to hoping that you can be at peace with the situation.

And then taking the steps towards being at peace.