Do you ever regret decisions you made in the past?

Do you cringe when you think about how you showed up in certain situations?

If so, you're not alone. But if you look at the bigger picture, it can become an opportunity to transform your outlook and free up your energy to focus on who you are becoming now.

Recently I was reflecting with colleagues about my career as a therapist. I remembered how I had found myself in jobs where I felt the expectations were unrealistic. In some situations, I responded with grace and creativity.

But in others, I reacted in ways I wasn’t proud of, and retelling the stories left me feeling embarrassed.

I realized that I was stuck in a victim story.

Can you relate? If so, here is an Art Therapy/Parts Work process you can use to transform your victim story.

To begin, choose one experience that you regret as your point of focus. Find a piece of paper to represent the experience. Use drawing and other art supplies to change the appearance of the paper. Add decoration or drawing to represent different aspects of the situation.

Once the image seems to represent the situation well, close your eyes, focus inward, and connect with the Part of you that experienced this situation. Check to see how you feel towards the Part of you that acted as they did.

If you feel resentment or anger towards the Part, just allow those feelings to surface. It is understandable that you felt these emotions, but focusing on them won’t help you transform the situation.

These emotions probably represent another Part or Parts of you, and it’s important to honor their validity and hear their concerns at some point. But for now, your goal is to connect with an aspect of you called your Wise Self. So, take a deep breath, and ask the Parts of yourself that feel anger, resentment, and other strong emotions if they’d be willing to step back a little.

In order for the transformation to happen, you will need to access your Wise Self. The main qualities your Wise Self embodies are: courage, compassion, calmness, clarity, confidence, connection, curiosity, and caring. These are called the “C” words.

Continue to focus on the Part of you that engaged in the regrettable behavior, see how you feel towards that Part. If you feel emotions unlike or unrelated to the “C” words, continue inviting the Parts of you that carry these emotions to step back until you feel a strong sense of at least one of the “C” words.

Staying connected to your Wise Self, invite the Part of you that feels the regret to tell its story fully and completely. Allow plenty of time for the Part to share what happened and to explain why they acted as they did.

As you hear the story, if you experience any of the “C” words, such as caring, or a sense of gratitude, extend the gratitude or caring towards the Part that is telling its story. Be patient until the story seems complete.

You can ask this Part if it would like to let go of the burden of regret it’s been carrying, and to let go of the burden by giving it to the wind, throwing it into a fire, releasing it into a stream, etc. After the release happens, it’s important for you to connect with this Part every day for at least 30 days to help the transformation “stick.”

Repeat this step with each of the experiences you regret, using the art supplies to create an image that represents the situation. This process may take several hours, days, or even weeks to complete. The key to the transformation is to find a way to let go of judgment and feel compassion and caring for those Parts of you that engaged in the behaviors you regret. See if you can you find a way to get curious about how the experiences prompted you to evolve into the person you have become today.

When you tap into the Wise Part of you, you can begin to see each of the uncomfortable memories as a stepping stone. You can begin to realize that life wasn't happening TO you, it was happening FOR you at each step along the way, shaping you into the person you have become so that you can serve the world in the way that ONLY YOU can.

The process that I described here is an adaptation of and a very simplified version of Dick Schwartz’s Parts Work process. If you want to work on your own to transform regret or other emotions/situations, you can read more about Schwartz’s work in his book, “Greater Than the Sum of Our Parts.”

If you’d like assistance in using art therapy in the process so that you can access creativity, which is another of the “C” words, reach out to me to book a Discovery Call at https://thewilddivinemeeting.as.me/DiscoveryCall

I would be honored to support your journey of transformation.

Stepping Stones--How to move from feeling victimized to empowered